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simple

Do me a favor. Before you read this post, push play to listen to this song (for the sake of ambiance):



Sometimes I wonder at the simple things in life. One of my favorite things is rain slapping against my window as I sink deeper into my down comforter. My sheets boast a 600 thread count so I'd say that it's one of the best places to be under the sun.

In order to up the "snug" level I have on my slipper socks. Few things are worse than ice cold feet jolting you awake in the middle of the night.

Sometimes I wonder a the simplicity of my life. I tend to overcomplicate things. Mostly because my mind seems to operate at one speed: unnecessarily fast. As I keep thinking my thinks get bigger and begin to evolve and morph into complicated things. Such as:

Why doesn't my face wash work anymore?

How come I always wake up with bad breath? Has someone invented a cure for that yet? If they haven't yet than I should. I would probably make some money off of that.

Money. Why don't I have any of that, anyway?

Why is it that I have never seen a jet pack in real life and even though I'm not sure if they exist or not I kind of really want to get one for Christmas?

What do I really want for Christmas? Should I still be asking for Christmas presents?

I love Christmas.

I don't understand why everyone is already playing Christmas music. It just doesn't work until after Thanksgiving.

I love food.

....I'm hungry.

So I'm laying here and I think I'll just keep things simple tonight. Tomorrow is its own day - I know that I have work. Then I have to call my insurance to give Bridget my statement about the car accident. Then maybe if I'm up to it I'll clean my room and bathroom. Then there's my financial aid issue and economics homework and worship practice.

But I'm okay. It's going to be okay. As I walk down puddled sidewalks with my hood fastened and my boots squeaking I think I'll just think about how much I love the rain. How it inspires me. How good God has been to me. How He has given me everything I need specifically for every day.

Life is simple tonight. And I am in good hands.

I love this chorus:
"So we don't eat until your father's at the table
We don't drink until the devil's turned to dust
Never once has any man I've met been able to love
So if I were you my friend, I'd learn to have just a little bit of trust."

Moses, Part II

like sunrise upon the earth

your word ascends the thoughts of me

and it laughs within my soul

as your revelation blooms upon my chest

the wind refreshed in my lungs

i stand on this mountain

scratching your covenant onto rocks

among you forty days and nights

glory shines on my face

but it is nonsense upon my head

for your listening enjoyment

I was in Washington this past weekend and spent a good amount of time with my best friend, Kristina. It was great to see her, and to join musical forces once again....

I Want Everyone to Know

This is an excerpt from the very first entry of my very first journal, dated Thursday, October 16th, 2003:

"I chose this journal because it has the Eiffel Tower on it, which is in Paris, which is where I'm going to go on my honeymoon. So whenever I look at the cover it will be a reminder of marriage. I've been thinking about it, and I realized how terrible it would be to not be married. Other than having no one to love, and have an intimate relationship with, you would be alone. I HATE being lonely! But then again, who doesn't? Some people like being alone, but that's not being lonely. Those people like their own company. I like my own company too, but most of the time it's not enough."


When I read this for the first time in almost seven years, I started to laugh. The following entries were equally ridiculous and little girl-ish. Boys, problems with friends, and loneliness were common themes throughout. But it was also sobering to take a good look at the mindset in those words. Unfortunately, that belief system stuck with me through the years. At no point did it occur to me that I would NEVER be alone - in fact, even if I never got married, I would still have an always-loving, everlasting companion!

For so long that wasn't enough for me. I needed friends, I needed money to buy things, I needed affirmation from outside sources (i.e. boys).

I've been studying 1 Samuel for the past month, and Saul is a poignant reminder of the tendencies of my own heart. He feared the people above God, he sought to please the elders in offering a sacrifice instead of waiting on the Lord. He was so concerned about the people. He was so concerned about how he looked - so much so that he repeatedly disobeyed the Lord, until he was rejected as king and the Spirit of God left him.

Through this the Holy Spirit challenged me: where is your worth found, Lauren? Whose words do you weigh in the heaviest?

I started to jot down in my journal thoughts on this. I wrote in big letters "worth must ONLY come from Jesus!"

Therefore, Lauren, your worth does not lie in the words of others. It does not lie in the eyes or words of a man. It does not lie in marriage, or children. If my worth is found in Jesus, then I will always be content in Him! It does not matter if I am alone - because my all rests in the hands of Jesus.

Here is a song that currently resonates with the season I am currently in - secretly I wish that I had written it :)

Moses

ah and if it were meaningless

and if i had wiled away

only to know you

only to watch the back of you pass

then this desert is my salvation

tears come as i am unveiled

after all i still echo the glory

though it is distant in the retrospect

one thing remains

and that is my heart now hears

Hiding in the Baggage

There were so many people. As I counted - one, two, three, four, five....I realized that all twelve had come at Samuel's command. Well God's command, I should say. He was the reason why I was in this mess, after all. What made it worse was that the more people that were there the more I stood out. I looked over the crowd and not one man's head came up past my shoulders. As my heart was excavating caves through my chest cavity, I tried to listen to Samuel relaying the words of the Lord. I couldn't help but start to panic.

It was true that something inside of me had changed after Samuel had left me in Zuph. I had started to say things I had never thought of before come out of my mouth. People started to notice a change in me. But when I returned home to my father things seemed to be back to the way they were. I couldn't tell him one thing that had happened on my journey with Samuel - even after the Spirit of the Lord came upon me! If my mouth had been silenced then, how could I lead an entire people? This was just too much for me. I wasn't special, I was a Benjamite! My family was influential among our tribe, maybe, but we were a small clan! I was never supposed to get noticed like this!

Samuel was still addressing the Israelites, but I wasn't paying attention. That was when I turned around and began to push my way through the masses. I shoved through startled men and women, eyes gawking openly at my appearance. I had always been proud of the way I appealed to women, but at that moment I had grown hot in shame. I was not worthy of this task. God needed to choose someone else. 

Searching for a place to hide, I found the center of where traveling gear was being kept during the gathering. As I surveyed the mounds of equipment I decided to find a place to hide. So quickly I ran behind some of the baggage there, hidden from inquiring eyes, my heart still thudding.

I sucked in my breath as I listened to Samuel casting lots to show the king God had chosen - he went by tribe, then by clan, then by family....

"It is Saul, son of Kish, the Benjamite!"

Everyone went ecstatic. But after all the excitement died down, when they couldn't find me, they started asking the Lord questions, which was the last thing I wanted. After all, He was the only one here who knew where I was.

"Behold, he has hidden himself among the baggage."

I stood up, revealed, and was soon taken to stand up among the people.

I couldn't have begun to count the pairs of eyes that looked up at me. But I saw in every one of them the same thing: hope. Hope that I, their new king, would bring about a new nation. That I would lead them into victory over their enemies. That they would be prosperous under my rule.

"Do you see him whom the Lord has chosen? There is none like him among all the people," Samuel proclaimed. I couldn't help but wonder at the tinge of sarcasm in his voice.

My thoughts were soon overwhelmed as I heard the crowd roar. I straightened my back and tilted my head back. I decided I must give my people what they want.

"Long live the king! Long live the king!"

...

This story, from 1 Samuel 10, has obviously been put into my own words. I've been studying 1 Samuel for a couple of weeks now, and the story of Saul's anointing has been a chapter that has so far stuck out to me the most. Although there are so many things I would love to pound out in this blog, I'm sure all of you would get bored. So I'm going to land on this scene I have depicted.

Are you hiding in the baggage? Here, Saul was hiding from an earthly crown. It was a healthy spout of humility and embarrassment. Growing up in a wealthy family, both tall and the best looking, he was suddenly hit with that sense of "I'm not worthy."

But for us, it is a heavenly crown, a call from God, that we are hiding from. Maybe we know it's there and we are overtly avoiding it, or maybe we're just clueless that there is so much more to our lives.

I'm not sure why I chose this part to write about. It's just something that I never realized before. If you get a chance, please read chapters 9 and 10 of 1 Samuel. It is an incredible story of how God transforms a life. The story says outright that "God gave him another heart." Before this Saul was a regular guy. It describes him as outwardly handsome, but nothing of his spirituality. There probably wasn't anything to tell. One of the reasons God gave him a new heart was probably cause his old one was far from where it should be!

I love seeing more and more of God's glory being revealed in Scripture. Truly He is the only one who can redeem life.