christmas?

This season has gone by at an alarming rate. For some reason, I feel like I haven't gotten a chance to stop and enjoy it like I have in previous years.

Thinking this over, even as I type these words, it could be that I have a job, and December is our most busiest time of the year, and I'm hardly home on weekends anymore.

Maybe because I'm seventeen and I'm not as freaked out over getting presents as I once was...


Whatever the reason, this time I am now more nostalgic than anything. Wisconsin snow what probably one of the best things in the world, and here all we get is rain rain rain. Where is the humanity? I don't understand...aren't we all dreaming of a White Christmas, just like the ones we used to know?

I'm praying that tonight it will start snowing right as we're opening presents. Then maybe I'll be able to cherish this year a bit more.

Looking in retrospect, it's so fascinating to compare my various Christmas experiences. In different places, with different people, different Christmas sermons. More and more I just want to be there, with Jesus, in the stable, with Mary and Joseph and the multitude of angels. IT's so great to hear about it, don't get me wrong, but I just want to BE THERE.

What if I can be there? Right here, right now.

Picture this - here I am, sitting here with tossled hair and no makeup, and I'm witnessing the birth of Christ. AS I'M TYPING.

And what if, in the midst of this, I can know him, and I'm just there, and I can hear him crying, and I smell the stank of all of the animals, and I cringe cause it's kind of gross and that's the first thing this baby Jesus gets to smell as He enters the world for the very first time, as a human?

I think that's what He wanted, above all things, for us to be there.

I hope that as each Christmas comes, I can be there more and more. Just like He wanted.


Sigh...this is a nonsensical blog.

i tripped...don't judge me.

FACT: I have a short attention span.


It's hard for me to be consistent with certain things, because my mind just likes going everywhere at once.

For instance, I'll go to my room to fetch a book/CD/writing utensil/my big blankie and end up finding that my room is messy, clean it up, then head back downstairs without any of the aforementioned items.

Side note: being a lazy person, it is difficult for me to put the effort into making a second trip up our long, winding staircase. I mean...look at me. I get flushed after tieing my shoes. Or peeling an orange. Or, maybe, making a sandwich. Even writing this blog makes me want to stop for a breath.

Which leads me to my next point - please do not expect me to write in this thing daily. Or even weekly.

Because I'm just not good at it.

FACT: I have not written in my journal since September 27th, only because a very important thing happened on that day, and the entry is only two words anyway.

Imagine this - a long, narrow road. EVERYbody is walking, or jogging (soft "j"), or even sprinting. This is the sphere of internet blogging. And where am I, you might ask, in all of this chaos?

I tripped and fell a couple of feet back, and I'm too lazy to get up.

If you would care to read the first portion of this entry, you'll see why.


SO...moving on with life, as dull as it may seem at the moment - SCHOOL IS OUT FOR CHRISTMAS! Yay :) For about a week or so now I've had college students left and right massacring me with in-your-face comments, boasting about their homework free lives.

Well suck on this, all you fancy pants - I'm out now, and all I've got to do is read and write annotated notes on the play Antigone, and write an essay on The Awakening.

Uggghccckkkk.

Also, my grandparents (John and Bonnie "Bonita" Wilkerson), are in town. For three weeks.

Three WEEKS.

I love my grandparents. But three weeks?

C'mon.

i just have to ask the Lord WHY?

FACT: It's 10:30 pm.

FACT: I have a project due at 9:45 am tomorrow morning.

FALSE: My partner and I are finished.

FACT: My partner has not given me any of her work that she was supposed to contribute.

FACT: I'm currently waiting on her e-mail.

FACT: This means I'll be making a 7 am trip tomorrow morning to Kinko's.

FALSE: I'm not going to shoot myself.


Choosing a partner for a Creative Writing project takes time, people. It takes effort. By no means choose someone who appears to not be a procrastinator, who appears to get all of her work done on schedule. Because on closer inspection you will find that she obviously DOESN'T.

Today was more challenging than most. Physics tests always have a way of bringing me down, haha. It seems to come over me like this deadly fog. I think that God really knows how to teach me lessons, every day. I have this tendancy to get caught up in the midst of stress and thinking that I'm going to fail out of high school and then boom it hits me and I fall over and start crying.

Well, okay. I don't fall over. I just cry. It was mainly just because ihadabunchofworktodoonthisstupidprojectthatmypartnerwastakingforeveronandiforgotmyfavoritescarfatalieshouseandihavetworidiculouspacksdueontuesdaythelastdayofschoolbeforechristmasbreakandspeakingofistillhaveabunchofpresentstobuyandicantfindaboxtowrapthatgiftandjakeisleavingfortwoandahalfweeksandihavetoworkandijustwanttokillphysicscauseidontunderstandandihavesomanyscholarshipstoapplyforandeventhenwhatifidontgetacceptedtonorthwestandendupdoingnothingwithmylife?

Sigh. It's just been one of those days, I suppose. I'm just thankful that it's almost over.

FACT: I haven't read my Bible in two days, and it feels like crap.

FACT: Don't ever try it...cause it sucks. Even if it's the end of the day and you're tired, at least read a chapter. It feels so much better.

It's funny, because on some nights I can't fall asleep, and then I realize that the Holy Spirit is knocking...so I sit up and read my Bible. That's when I can fall asleep.

Side note: I'm sorry this is a very sporadic blog...but isn't that what "blogging" is all about?

Haha, there's this half-dead mosquito withering in front of me right now. Poor thing.

what i thought of first

FACT: I am human.

FACT: I'm not very good at it.

FACT: Every so often I feel like posting a blog.

FALSE: I have found this blog to be a place that I will write in consistently, and for a very, very long time.

FACT: I have coffee breath.

FACT: Unlike a lot of people, I don't wear pants.

FACT: That was actually a false statement.

FALSE: No, it wasn't.

QUESTION: Are you getting tired of this?

FACT: Because I know I am.


Okay, enough.

You think you know yourself sometimes. You say to yourself, "I know how I will react in this situation". FALSE. You don't always know, take it from me. True, it could be because a lot of my decisions I make while suffering through the emotional rollarcoaster that is "that time of the month", but it's easy to find yourself in situations where your thoughts and your feelings get the best of you.

A quick note: this may be more easily applied to women, rather than men. I can't say for certain, I am not a man, but this is just how I function at times....and I'm a girl.

I don't have much of a temper. I don't get angered easily. And then I find myself, at random moments, to just get upset. QUESTION: Can I explain this? FACT: No...not really. Well, maybe a little bit. Because otherwise, what would be the point of this blog? Ha.

A quick note: often times, there will be no point to a blog I post. None whatsoever.

For me, a lot of it has to do with the same old thing happening over and over. I may be in a constant circumstance where I feel picked on. On a regular basis this doesn't bother me. Not at all! Most of my life I've been the younger one of the bunch. And, (once again) being a girl, it's easy for people to think of me as their little sister they can pick on. Personally, I don't think there's an excuse for explosion. If I were to ever "explode", it would be my fault anyway, and I shouldn't make the people surrounding me suffer through my issues with me. Ahem. Not that I have any. Because I don't.

Moving on.....

But you can't ignore the fact that sometimes we just do! Blow up, I mean. Explode. Maybe it's part of our condition, or whatever. I can say with ease that I have exploded before - sometimes discreetly, sometimes not discreetly. Maybe sometimes we just get sick of the same old thing.

Sorry if this makes a horrible first impression...but between an empty house and 8 Simple Rules this is the best I've got...especially since this is all on a whim, anyway.

Welp, off to homework.

Man I hate physics.